So What Did I Miss?
That’s a Hamilton reference for the second time in a row. I swear, it wasn’t on purpose.
I can’t think of a better way to start this than to share with you what my Monday mood was this week. Hint: It’s the title of this entry.
I’m a working girl again after six months of being unemployed. *insert all the yays here* I started work on Monday - still the same company I’ve been with for the past eight years and I’m just glad to be back. Not only am I back, but I was offered a higher position now than what I had when I left. I won’t get into too much detail about all the legalities and the process of how I finally got my work permit - trust me, it’s so tedious. I’d skip it myself IRL if I could.
Karl was so concerned about what I was going to use for work because my start date was the 16th and my laptop wasn’t here yet the week before that. I told him I could use my iPad just in case it arrives late and the surprise on his face was a mix of shock and confusion. For the past five and a half years we’ve been together, he never really understood what I did for work and the fact that I could do work on my iPad baffled him.
My laptop got delivered two days before my first day. Things still worked out in the end - as they always do.
To be quite honest, I had mixed emotions on my first day and coming back to work in general. One of the things I’ve had a love-hate relationship with over the years is change. Me being gone for six months meant that there was a possibility for major changes while I was away so I felt that I had to be quick about catching up. And since technically, I wasn’t a new employee, there was no need for the usual onboarding and training. I had to go through documents and ask around what the changes were. It was actual work right away by the second day. The impostor syndrome immediately kicked in when I felt lost without any assigned tasks or projects - Boss trusts me too much sometimes he figured I’d know what I need to do without him telling me. I went through all the internal initiatives I left instead. On Tuesday, I felt, “Shouldn’t I be doing more?” (Response from my Friday self: Are you for real??? You asked that question on your second day?)
By mid-week, I was slowly picking up pace and had a definite to-do list. The thing that both overwhelmed me (in a good way) and added to the pressure I was already feeling was the positive feedback a lot of people (colleagues and clients alike) expressed when they found out I was back. I was showered with joy and compliments like I won the lottery or something. Two compliments stood out to me because they came from executives in our company. Our SVP of BizDev & Sales told me, “Regina, your reputation precedes you. A lot of guys on the sales team are very happy you’re back.” On my last call for today, the VP of Product Management said, “No, we haven’t really met. But Regina, I’ve heard only great things about you.” when he was asked if he knew me.
After I closed my laptop at 5:15PM this afternoon, I was hit with a surge of realizations. I realized that all the things that I’ve done over the past years were not in vain. That even though it took me six years of working before I figured out what I wanted to pursue as a career, it was never late and I made the right choice. That the way I worked spoke for itself even when I felt like I wasn’t good enough. That I should just lock up that imposter syndrome in a box and throw away the key. That my greatest enemy, is in fact, myself and I should try to see myself from the perspective of others instead of wallowing in self-doubt. That I should remember that even if my tendency to be hard on myself is still very strong, I can snap out of it faster, manage it better, and remind myself that I should be kinder instead. And even if I struggled with being unemployed over the past six months because of the independence I’ve had over the years, it was a much needed break from working straight out of college. I had the chance to do more self-introspection and intention-setting on how I wanted to approach work once I get my work permit. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past, I already learned countless lessons.
I’m overflowing with emotions right now. Hopeful for the kind of life that Karl and I can finally start building. Excited about what this year has in store for me in terms of work. Eager to just grow and learn more in life and in work. Inspired to accomplish goals I’ve set for this year. And just extremely grateful that the Lord always works things for good (Romans 8:28).
So, yeah. I think my first week back to work went pretty well. “It’s as if you never left.” as one of my colleagues put it. ☺️
Rae’s Currently List
Watching: have been pretty busy, but we watched The Last of Us on Sunday - it’s a good show!
Reading: Kindle: Stop Calling Me Beautiful, Phylicia Masonheimer; Audiobook: Beyond the Wand: The Magic and Mayhem of Growing Up a Wizard, Tom Felton
Playing: Nope - still haven’t touched my Switch lol
Thinking about: what headphones I’m going to buy after I get paid ha ha
Listening to: A Year in the Bible with Daily Grace; my Of 2023 playlist
Hyperfocusing on: Coda - more of this on a later entry
Something totally unrelated — I am not on Twitter anymore because of the third-party service issue over the past week that has got to be one of the most disrespectful things I’ve seen a big company has done but this newsletter is still connected to that for sentimentality’s sake. So now that I can finally relate to work memes again and have nowhere to randomly share it, I’ll end with this.
I need to log off and get some well-deserved rest,
Rae