33 on 33
an entry from my journal on my 33rd
10/24/25 08:31AM eating breakfast on a bench in the middle of rittenhouse square, philly
funny thing - before i got set up to actually start writing, my [fountain] pen fell to the ground. i gasped… and just whispered “oh well.” a few years ago, if this exact same thing happened, i would have probably [become so annoyed], called myself stupid [for dropping an expensive pen], and let that define whatever the mood was for the day. but today, i didn’t. i just whispered, “oh well” and went on with writing. if that isn’t a clear sign of the growth [i’ve gone through the past years], i don’t know what is.
i grew up thinking grandiose things are mandatory for birthdays even though i’ve only ever had 1 or 2 parties myself (that i can remember right at this moment). but today, i’m spending the morning just enjoying simple things - buying a matcha latte from a cafe i’ve never tried before, sitting on a bench in a park i’ve never been before, and just writing down what i have in mind, reading a book i’ve never seen (only bought it yesterday because the title seemed so apt for today), all while listening to one of my favorite artists i’m going to watch tonight. i don’t think i’ve ever done this before.
it’s so different, but i needed this… there is peace & gratitude in my heart at this exact moment.
today, i turn 33. a year older and hopefully wiser. i look back on all the things that i have learned over the years. i used to do this a lot when i still had a blog and was pretty consistent so i figured i’d do it again this year. i can’t even remember the last time i did this… probably seven or eight years ago. i’m hoping to tone it down to a sentence or two.
33 on 33 - thoughts i have & things i have learned over the past few years
the best weight you can ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions [about you & your life].
rest is still productive.
age doesn’t equate to maturity. some of the older people i know are some of the most immature people i’ve ever met.
sometimes, actually more often than not, your worst enemy is yourself. love yourself as much, even more, as you love those you value.
no matter how much you want for something/someone to change, you do not have control of when it’s going to happen (or if it ever’s going to happen, really). you can’t do anything about things you can’t control.
with that said above, only focus on what you can control. things will actually shift, you’ll see - although it may not be the shift you prefer to see.
keeping things to yourself will do nothing good - it will eat up your mind and affect how you behave towards those you love and care about.
if you don’t set your own boundaries, others will do it for you. you won’t always like it.
sometimes, people just need someone to listen to them and not lecture them.
be kind - you never know who needs that.
relationships - all kinds of it - are two-way. both parties need to do their part for it to flourish.
having faith and believing in God is one of the major reasons why i’m still here.
the way a person grows up - their childhood, their environment, the family culture etc. - says & defines everything as to what and how the person will be as an adult.
related to what i said above - yes, it’s not your fault if you grew up with an unhealthy set-up. it’s what you do about it once you’ve made the realization that changes everything.
it’s okay not tho have everything figured out. you will eventually have the chance to work through it.
do things afraid when you can - but also be mindful and prepared for what happens next.
deciding to work on yourself - healing, getting better, processing unresolved trauma & issues - is one of the best decisions you can make for yourself.
yes, you can have friends and loved ones who have different opinions - but having different morals is another story.
talk to yourself the way you talk to your friends. you’ll find that sometimes, we’re kinder to others than to ourselves.
stop letting anyone else define things for you - your happiness, success, love. people have different lives than yours.
don’t let other people make you feel bad about your hobbies and all the things you love. you’re not performing for anyone if you really, really love them.
grief comes in waves and sometimes it’s a tsunami. yes, you can try to learn how to ride it. but other times, you can let it just swallow you whole - feel the pain. it’ll pass.
friends come and go. be grateful for all the time and love once shared.
nothing good ever comes out of your mind or your heart after midnight. better to just hold your pen and write, than to hold your phone.
there’s nothing wrong in changing your mind about certain things - especially if it’s for the better.
you can love someone and still feel like you never know them completely.
there are some things better left unsaid - but if you’re hard-headed like me, you will end up blurting it out anyway and realize that it’s not so bad.
it’s never wrong to voluntarily pluck yourself out of a situation that doesn’t add value to your life.
don’t let the fear of getting embarrassed or messing up hold you back from trying something new - how else are you supposed to find out whether it’s for you or not?
you can share a lot of things publicly and still be able to keep a lot of the things going on in your life privately.
picking up a book and spending time on hobbies are the obvious better choices instead of picking up your phone.
you are made up of all the little things you’ve experienced, a huge puzzle of pieces from parts of people who you love(/d) and have love(/d) you. you will always end up being changed no matter how brief the encounter is.
unlearning is as difficult as learning things - but it sure is worth it.
i didn’t really have something clever to end that journal entry. but let me end this post by saying that it took me yearsss to actually realize and learn the things i’ve written above.if you’re currently or ever at a point in your life where you feel stuck and everything just seems so bleak, know that i was in that same spot five or six years ago. a lot can happen - don’t rush things. you don’t have to have it all figured out all the time immediately. there’s no fixed timetable for everyone. anyone who tells you you’re supposed to know everything once you reach a certain age don’t even know what they’re talking about.
heck, i’m already 33 and i’m more than happy to admit that i still don’t have it all figured out. and that’s ok. because i know when i’m finally ready for whatever “it” will be, i will have been equipped with all the things i need. i’m pretty sure you will too. x
i need to get off of my desk and go to sleep,
rae
Such a good read!! Hope you had a great birthday celebration, Ate!